


Take it all away

by ASAJONES



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angry Armie, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Starts okay gets angsty, What are they even saying, they both have issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-05-29 07:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15068366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASAJONES/pseuds/ASAJONES
Summary: Timothee is getting married. Armie writes him a letter.





	1. Don't you tell me

Dear Timmy,

Elizabeth and I want to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials. It fills our hearts with pride and joy to see that you have found your soulmate, the one, the person that makes all the nonsensical bullshit go away, your better half, your life companion for better and for worse, in sickness and in health- Well you know the deal. Elizabeth wanted me to write something sappy to congratulate you, so please tell her I did. We are very proud of you, of the man you have become and of the husband you are going to be. 

There’s something I want to touch on very briefly, I don’t want to interfere in your life Tim. I am glad you are getting settled with a fantastic girl and all. I’m glad you want us to be part of your wedding. I really am. We really wanna be there for you both. But, and again I don’t want to meddle; don’t you think there’s some stuff you should discuss with her before you both make this commitment? No that I’m implying you are going to regret marrying her, but you may regret not being honest with her from the beginning. There are things that can destroy any trust you have for a person you care about. There are things you don’t recover from.

Look, I’m sorry, I know I’m overstepping, but again, I’m just concerned. All I’m trying to say is- well, you kissed me Tim, you went to my room that night three weeks ago and kissed me. Are those the kind of things you do weeks before getting married? I know we don’t talk about it. Obviously, it’s not a big deal to you. You acted perfectly normal the morning after. And I just- I don’t want to sound crude but- Is this the new you, Tim? Is it so easy for you to dismiss what you do now? I sometimes feel like I don’t know you at all anymore or that maybe I only ever knew one side of you. I used to think you were transparent, that I could read you like a book, but now- Have you always lied to me Timothée? Do you even know who you are? Do you have any regard for what your actions do to others? Look deep within yourself buddy, why you would be kissing me weeks before getting married? 

Don’t fuck up your life. Don’t fuck up her life. Don’t fuck mine up. You told me all those months ago to let you go remember? and I did Timmy. I fucking let you go. Were you there to see how that broke me? How I had to hide behind alcohol and work to keep moving forward? 

All I know is I don’t need this bullshit from you again. My life is getting back on track. You made me realize I have exactly what I want and I got it all by myself. Didn’t need my parents’ money to get where I am today. Didn’t need their guidance or prayers to get a beautiful family. If you only knew how many times they told me I was an irresponsible, ungrateful sinner for not adhering to their creeds. How many times they said I would never have anything meaningful in my life. They had to swallow their words when they saw the family I built with Elizabeth, the father I am to Harper and Ford. How my kids love me, how they seek me in the crowds, how we laugh. I know my mom wonders how I can be the parent she never was to me. How I can do it without the bullshit she believes in. I made this beautiful family and I don’t need anything else. I don’t need you.

So you can go ahead and pretend you are happy with that girl, pretend you want to cherish her and build a family with her and spend the rest of your life with her. You and I both know the truth. But keep lying, keep acting like the perfect boyfriend. The perfect gentleman that doesn’t spend every waking minute wanting to leave it all behind. If you want to live a lie the rest of your life that’s your problem, buddy not mine. I wish you had the balls to be yourself, but please just leave me the fuck alone. 

Sincerely,

Armie Hammer


	2. Chapter 2

Phone conversations

Timmy    **B**

_Armie_ _I_

 

* * *

 

It was 4 am when his phone rang

 

- **What the fuck was that?** \- he wasn't used to Timmy's voice sounding so angry.  - **A fucking letter Armie? Anybody could have gotten a hold of it. She was in the room not long ago, she would have wanted to read it with me.**

_-Well, is good you knew better than to open it in front of her-_

 

- **Why are you doing this?-**

 

_-I don't know, Elizabeth said you may want a letter, so I wrote you one, if you don't like it kindly disregard it. I have to go back to bed, your wedding is in a few hours-_

 

**-Maybe is better if you don't come at all, I don't think I want to see you here-.**

 

_-Ha, good luck explaining that to Elizabeth-_

 

**-Why are you being such an asshole?-**

 

_-I am not. Timmy, can you please burn that letter and forget everything I said in it? I was in a bad place when I wrote it, we haven't exactly talked and I felt this was the only way I could vent my frustrations. -I didn't really mean it-_

 

**-You were projecting-**

 

_-No, don't do this shit right now, really you are 100% right. You know me, I'm an impulsive asshole and there is nothing I can do to make it right but apologize. I am really sorry._

 

**[...]**

_[...]_

 

**-You wrote you didn't know me anymore**

_[...]_

 

**-Why the fuck would you write that letter if you didn't want to have this conversation?-**

 

_-I just told you I'm stupid. Please let's forget about it.-_

 

**-Fuck man, why did you have to mess with my head today? I am already stressed out as it is.-**

 

_[...]_

**-Armie?-**

 

_-I am so sorry I fucked with your mind, maybe think about not sticking your tongue down my throat right before you get married,  that kind of undoes the whole getting over you part.-_

 

**-You are right, I am sorry about that as well**

 

_-Timmy-_

 

**-Man is like I'm sabotaging myself or something. I am a mess, like I have no fucking clue what to do with my life, and then three weeks ago it got too scary, and I had to do something. -**

 

_[...]_

 

**-You really think that? That you don't  know me anymore?-**

 

_-No. I wrote a lot of stuff I didn't mean Timmy. But you are always so honest with me, let me be honest with you, I do know you, I know I do, but I am afraid--- of losing you completely, of having to adapt to a you that's gonna shatter me cause they are happy with someone else, and there's nothing I can do about it,  I know is fucking selfish, I know I should be better than that, but I can't get over this fear I am a step away from falling into an abyss._ _-And then you know, that fucking kiss...- It was like, when you stay home on a Saturday night, and you listen to people outside your house passing by, having fun, laughing, and it just breaks your heart you don't get to do those things anymore. It takes away so much hope for your future. I am trying to hold to a piece of that happiness like a maniac_

 

**-We were doing so  well Armie.-**

 

_-Yeah sure, we were doing amazing- _

 

**[...]**

 

_-Timmy are you there?-_

 

 

**-Yeah.-**

 

_-Say something, please-_

 

 

 

 

**-Will I see you here tonight?-**

 

_-I will be there.-_

 

 

**-Thank you Armie-** _  
_

 

_[...]_

 

**-Bye Armie -**

 

 

_-Bye_ _Timmy-_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost gave up on this story, but I want to continue writing it for anyone interested!  
> Can find me [here](https://vetmordrid.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

 

Armie looked at the mirror. Yeah that was him. Or the him people saw. Yeah, the him they expected. What the fuck was he even saying? Oh yeah, no sleep again. He was gonna look fabulous today. 

 

He could tell he looked older. A few years perhaps? It was attractive to a certain point, but his eyes were tired. His was more of an emotional and mental exhaustion anyway. 

 

Well, he needed to get his shit together. He'd said the same thing a few times during the last couple of months. Get your shit together Hammer.  Get it together. Don't fuck things up even more. You gonna end up in a very bad place if you don't control this, you gonna ruin your life and the life of the people all around you. That was a scary recurring thought on his mind. Oh you are gonna fuck it all up and then it's over for you. Whatever fantasy you are imagining in your head of this having a happy ending isn't happening. 

 

This day was gonna come eventually. The finality of it sat heavy on his shoulders.

 

He had to let this go, completely.  The limbo they been going through the past couple of years, it had to come to an end. 

 

Maybe In another life he would have done things differently. In this he was already fucked. 

 

Could he blame him? For making him fall in love with him? A 30 year old family man that loved his wife and kids more than anything else? Who was proud of the life he'd built?

 

 

Could he really find fault in Timmy for giving so freely? So openly? consequences be damned? 

 

For getting inside Armie and opening a door to a place in his soul he'd no idea existed? 

 

No, he couldn't. Cause he'd treasured it all and knew himself better because of it. He couldn't blame him for wanting out either. Even when that completely destroyed him. Armie had nothing to offer, nothing worth staying for. He'd hurt him enough already, it was time to let him go.

 

 

And that's what he'd successfully been doing during the last year, focusing on the man he was before he stepped into Crema that foggy morning in May. He'd put all his effort on making his marriage work, becoming a more attentive husband and father. Trying to atone for past sins learning from past mistakes to grow

 

But then, Timmy had kissed him, a kiss so sweet and sad it had completely undone him. 

 

Why? he kept asking.

 

Was it a goodbye kiss? A last time reverie before starting a new life?

 

 

Was it a test?

 

Timmy trying to prove to himself he was finally over him?

 

 

Was it a game?

 

To see what type of reaction it elicited from Armie?

 

 

Was it an invitation?

 

Was he trying to send him a message?  

 

 

Was it a request?

 

What did Timmy want from him?

 

 

But why now? Could his mental health survive this? He'd already made a fool of himself sending that letter to Timmy. They were talking in circles anyway, he doubted they'd resolve this situation now.

 

What the fuck was he saying? There was nothing to resolve. Timmy was getting married and that was it.

 

You understand Hammer? That's it. You really want to fuck things up again don't you? May as well sedate you so you wake up when Timmy is already in Greece and has a legal spouse. 

 

 

With his head pounding, he considered going to the bar for a couple of drinks before the festivities, yes he knew that alcohol would make everything worse, but he was past the point of thinking he could deal with this sober. 

 

He was gathering his things to exit the room when someone knocked at the door. 

 

Armie froze.

 

Could it be?

 

No, Timmy had sounded pretty determined last night. He couldn't imagine him coming here after what he'd done to him anyway.

 

Elizabeth? She'd left early to get properly ready as she liked to call it. She wouldn't be back for a couple of hours. 

 

Armie opened the door, hoping against hope it was just  Room Service. 

 

-Oh good you are not drunk yet-

 

Armie's eyes went wide as he looked at the man on the other side of the door. Knowing eyes assessing him with a couple of quick glances. He looked amused somehow, and Armie felt a profound sense of relief seeing him standing there. Like some sort of subconscious prayer had been answered. 

 

 

 

 

Luca?-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am finally done exams so I am gonna be writing a lot during the next couple of days and will hopefully finish this story soon. Thank you once again for reading, and sorry for taking so long!


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